WRITTEN BY JANE FREDRICKSON, AUTHOR & ABUSE SURVIVOR
First things first. Drop everything and go look in the mirror. Really study yourself. Focus on all of your amazing features. Maybe it's your eye color, healthy hair, strong body, radiant skin, white teeth, full lips, or anything else. Write down what you love about the person staring back at you. Being in an abusive relationship with someone who strips away at your core and leaves you feeling unattractive and lifeless takes a toll after awhile. This is where you need to pick yourself back up, leave your abuser's comments behind, and focus on your strengths. You really are beautiful just the way you are. Once you truly believe this, you'll radiate that energy to the rest of the world. I know this, because I was in your shoes for a long time.
My ex abuser used to tell me the following:
1) "You are not really 105 pounds. I know what a 105-pound weight feels like since I go to the gym. You are more like 125 pounds." Come on. What man would really say that to his woman? Not a real one in my opinion.
2) "You can't write. You don't have enough vocabulary to write a book." Little did he know I was working on my memoir while I was still dating him and my editor loved my writing style. My ex admitted he was just jealous that he never went to college and wished he had a creative outlet.
3) "Your armpits stink. Go take a shower." Couldn't he have expressed this in a more loving way? Not people like him unfortunately... He didn't smell very attractive after a workout either by the way. I never judged though. Huge difference in character.
There was so much more, but those three examples were enough. I'm sure you have a long list as well. It was important that I snapped out of believing everything he told me once and for all. After awhile you do tend to question the truth to the comments you hear over and over again. This is where you share your feelings with family and friends. You listen to their advice. You read uplifting affirmations. You wake up and consider the source! What the heck does it matter what that one person thinks of you anyway? Is he or she some God with special powers? I don't think so. In the blink of an eye, your life on earth could be over. There are no guarantees tomorrow will exist. Do you want to spend your days believing what your abuser thinks about you? Or would you rather surround yourself by people that love, respect, and honor you? I chose the latter about two years ago. Breaking it off with my ex abuser was the best thing I did during that entire relationship.
Gather strength, look in the mirror, and tell yourself how much you love who you are! Do this each day. Write down positive thoughts. Watch your life change over time.
Be good to yourself,
Jane
First things first. Drop everything and go look in the mirror. Really study yourself. Focus on all of your amazing features. Maybe it's your eye color, healthy hair, strong body, radiant skin, white teeth, full lips, or anything else. Write down what you love about the person staring back at you. Being in an abusive relationship with someone who strips away at your core and leaves you feeling unattractive and lifeless takes a toll after awhile. This is where you need to pick yourself back up, leave your abuser's comments behind, and focus on your strengths. You really are beautiful just the way you are. Once you truly believe this, you'll radiate that energy to the rest of the world. I know this, because I was in your shoes for a long time.
My ex abuser used to tell me the following:
1) "You are not really 105 pounds. I know what a 105-pound weight feels like since I go to the gym. You are more like 125 pounds." Come on. What man would really say that to his woman? Not a real one in my opinion.
2) "You can't write. You don't have enough vocabulary to write a book." Little did he know I was working on my memoir while I was still dating him and my editor loved my writing style. My ex admitted he was just jealous that he never went to college and wished he had a creative outlet.
3) "Your armpits stink. Go take a shower." Couldn't he have expressed this in a more loving way? Not people like him unfortunately... He didn't smell very attractive after a workout either by the way. I never judged though. Huge difference in character.
There was so much more, but those three examples were enough. I'm sure you have a long list as well. It was important that I snapped out of believing everything he told me once and for all. After awhile you do tend to question the truth to the comments you hear over and over again. This is where you share your feelings with family and friends. You listen to their advice. You read uplifting affirmations. You wake up and consider the source! What the heck does it matter what that one person thinks of you anyway? Is he or she some God with special powers? I don't think so. In the blink of an eye, your life on earth could be over. There are no guarantees tomorrow will exist. Do you want to spend your days believing what your abuser thinks about you? Or would you rather surround yourself by people that love, respect, and honor you? I chose the latter about two years ago. Breaking it off with my ex abuser was the best thing I did during that entire relationship.
Gather strength, look in the mirror, and tell yourself how much you love who you are! Do this each day. Write down positive thoughts. Watch your life change over time.
Be good to yourself,
Jane
