WRITTEN BY JANE FREDRICKSON, AUTHOR & ABUSE SURVIVOR
Once you come to terms with the fact that you are clearly in an abusive relationship, you need realize your safety matters most. Do not post anything anywhere you feel your abuser could have access. Talk with counselors at their offices and make sure you are not being followed. Go to a friend or family member's house and use their computer or phone if you need to. Decide how you will support yourself and your children once you leave. It's not if you leave. It's once you leave. Remember that. There is no remaining in the relationship when you know darn well the abuse will never stop.
Many people feel they must suffer and stay, because of the kids. Guess what? Those kids feel everything. They will thank you later for getting them out of the toxic environment. Or it could be a money factor. Your abuser is the provider. I completely get that. You've got to realize all of the money in the world won't make you happy. Your abusive relationship will take years off of your life. Everyone around you will be affected. Wouldn't it be better to take a second job and work more hours, but go home to complete peace each night? It may be tough for awhile, but in the long run you'll feel healthier on all levels.
So how do you plan your exit strategy? You'll need to obviously move during a time your abuser is out of the house. Take the bare minimum with you and put the rest in storage or sell it. Stay with a family member or friend if you need financial support. If you don't need the support, find an apartment and make sure you get a PO Box. Never reveal your new address. Your abuser could get vicious and try to stalk you. That's where a restraining order would into place though. Hopefully you'll never have to experience that.
During my escape planning, I communicated daily with loveisrespect.org online support. They gave me the tools, guidance, and confidence I needed to make things happen. I highly recommend you check out their site and begin dialogue with them. You won't feel alone once you share your story with them.
If you'd like to read more about my dialogue with loveisrespect.org or the entire escape process, feel free to check out my memoir at: https://www.amazon.com/Darkness-Light-Womans-Defeating-Living/dp/153325205X
Let's remove ourselves from the darkness and enter a place where we feel authentically alive again.
Once step at a time,
Jane
Once you come to terms with the fact that you are clearly in an abusive relationship, you need realize your safety matters most. Do not post anything anywhere you feel your abuser could have access. Talk with counselors at their offices and make sure you are not being followed. Go to a friend or family member's house and use their computer or phone if you need to. Decide how you will support yourself and your children once you leave. It's not if you leave. It's once you leave. Remember that. There is no remaining in the relationship when you know darn well the abuse will never stop.
Many people feel they must suffer and stay, because of the kids. Guess what? Those kids feel everything. They will thank you later for getting them out of the toxic environment. Or it could be a money factor. Your abuser is the provider. I completely get that. You've got to realize all of the money in the world won't make you happy. Your abusive relationship will take years off of your life. Everyone around you will be affected. Wouldn't it be better to take a second job and work more hours, but go home to complete peace each night? It may be tough for awhile, but in the long run you'll feel healthier on all levels.
So how do you plan your exit strategy? You'll need to obviously move during a time your abuser is out of the house. Take the bare minimum with you and put the rest in storage or sell it. Stay with a family member or friend if you need financial support. If you don't need the support, find an apartment and make sure you get a PO Box. Never reveal your new address. Your abuser could get vicious and try to stalk you. That's where a restraining order would into place though. Hopefully you'll never have to experience that.
During my escape planning, I communicated daily with loveisrespect.org online support. They gave me the tools, guidance, and confidence I needed to make things happen. I highly recommend you check out their site and begin dialogue with them. You won't feel alone once you share your story with them.
If you'd like to read more about my dialogue with loveisrespect.org or the entire escape process, feel free to check out my memoir at: https://www.amazon.com/Darkness-Light-Womans-Defeating-Living/dp/153325205X
Let's remove ourselves from the darkness and enter a place where we feel authentically alive again.
Once step at a time,
Jane
