WRITTEN BY JANE FREDRICKSON, AUTHOR & ABUSE SURVIVOR
After you've healed from your abusive relationship and you're ready to date again, begin slowly. Whether it be online dating, meetup groups, blind dates, or striking up a conversation with someone at the supermarket, you have to go in with eyes, ears, and intuition wide open. When something doesn't feel right about the person you're interacting with, don't ignore it. Take a step back and observe that person from all angles. It's a good idea to take out a sheet a paper and write out your list of must-have and can't-stand qualities in a partner. It could look something like this:
Must-Haves:
Gets along well with family and friends
YOU get along with his or her family and friends
Good with finances
Stable career
Has a variety of hobbies
Exercises and eats a balanced diet
Educated
Knows how to not only talk, but LISTEN
Empathetic and sympathetic
Can't-Stands:
Smoker and/or excessive drinker/drug user or other major addictions
Messy/dirty car or home
Narcissistic
Abusive or controlling
Jealous or manipulative
Liar
Cheater
Workaholic
Loner type
Obviously, these are just two sample lists to get you thinking. Take as long as needed to compile yours. Add to it when you think of something new. When you go out and meet others, come home and review the lists. Absolutely DON'T settle for a smoker if you are allergic to cigarettes. Don't go out with someone who gives you a hard time about where you've been all day. Pick someone that has true class. Where you'd be excited to introduced them to your best friend or mother.
Be patient with yourself. You deserve to be with someone that brings out your best qualities and vice versa. If you don't meet him or her right away, that's perfectly fine. As the saying by George Washington goes, "It is far better to be alone than to be in bad company."
If you want more help regarding how to nourish yourself while you're single or inspiration on how to choose an ideal partner, check out my published memoir on Amazon: Darkness to Light: One Woman's Story of Defeating Abuse and Living Life with Zest Again.
I wish you all the best!
Jane
After you've healed from your abusive relationship and you're ready to date again, begin slowly. Whether it be online dating, meetup groups, blind dates, or striking up a conversation with someone at the supermarket, you have to go in with eyes, ears, and intuition wide open. When something doesn't feel right about the person you're interacting with, don't ignore it. Take a step back and observe that person from all angles. It's a good idea to take out a sheet a paper and write out your list of must-have and can't-stand qualities in a partner. It could look something like this:
Must-Haves:
Gets along well with family and friends
YOU get along with his or her family and friends
Good with finances
Stable career
Has a variety of hobbies
Exercises and eats a balanced diet
Educated
Knows how to not only talk, but LISTEN
Empathetic and sympathetic
Can't-Stands:
Smoker and/or excessive drinker/drug user or other major addictions
Messy/dirty car or home
Narcissistic
Abusive or controlling
Jealous or manipulative
Liar
Cheater
Workaholic
Loner type
Obviously, these are just two sample lists to get you thinking. Take as long as needed to compile yours. Add to it when you think of something new. When you go out and meet others, come home and review the lists. Absolutely DON'T settle for a smoker if you are allergic to cigarettes. Don't go out with someone who gives you a hard time about where you've been all day. Pick someone that has true class. Where you'd be excited to introduced them to your best friend or mother.
Be patient with yourself. You deserve to be with someone that brings out your best qualities and vice versa. If you don't meet him or her right away, that's perfectly fine. As the saying by George Washington goes, "It is far better to be alone than to be in bad company."
If you want more help regarding how to nourish yourself while you're single or inspiration on how to choose an ideal partner, check out my published memoir on Amazon: Darkness to Light: One Woman's Story of Defeating Abuse and Living Life with Zest Again.
I wish you all the best!
Jane
